My Journey With Breast Cancer

Hi Everyone!

I have read blogs, but I have never participated in one let alone create one; however, I felt it necessary not only to keep my dear friends and family informed with my journey, I know that everything happens for a purpose so I pray that my experience, insights, hopes, fears, and faith can help someone with their journey dealing with breast cancer.

During Chemo Treatments

Valentines Needed!

Angel Hugs for Childhood Cancer

Posted by Angel Hugs

Dear Members of Angel Hugs for Childhood Cancer…

Valentines Needed!!!  Please help us to wrap children with cancer in Valentine Love by sending us some Valentine’s signed by YOU!!!  These children are suffering from a life threatening … overwhelming disease that takes their childhood away.   Help us to make these special children smile and know there are people all over praying for them.

Specifics for the Valentines:

#1 – Sign the Valentines (First name and/or last)
#2 – These valentines can be handmade, store brought, and/or computer generated!
#3 – They can be in an envelopes or not, but if you do use envelopes please do NOT seal them.
#4 – Please do not attach candy to the Valentines…we use candy but they must come to us in the sealed bags from the store.
#5 – Do not address them to specific children…rather use for a “Special Child” or “Someone Special”.

#6 – Send them to or drop them off at:

Project Angel Hugs
406 E. Mill Street
Plymouth, WI 53073.

We currently have 270+ families enrolled.   Whatever number you would like to make for us, from one to 1001…we can use them!
#7 – Please try to get them to arrive at our office by January 29th.

God Bless you for your help!
Char Jensema
www.ProjectAngelHugs.com

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What Do Teachers Make?

WHAT DO TEACHERS MAKE?

A friend e-mail this to me, and I thought it was fantastic and wanted to share it with all of us who teach.  I just thought it would be a great reminder that the job of teaching — whether it is in the classroom or in the home — is a job that should never, ever, ever be taken lightly!

The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life.

One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued, “What’s a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?”

To stress his point he said to another guest; “You’re a teacher, Bonnie.  Be honest.  What do you make?”

Bonnie, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness replied, “You want to know what I make? (She paused for a second, then began…)

“Well, I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could.

I make a C+ feel like the Congressional Medal of Honor winner.

I make kids sit through 40 minutes of class time when their parents aren’t able to make them sit for 5 minutes without an I Pod, Playstation, Nintendo DS, Game Cube, cell phone to text message on or a movie playing.

You want to know what I make?  (She paused again and looked at each and every person at the table)

I make kids wonder.

I make them question.

I make them apologize and mean it.

I make them have respect and take responsibility for their actions.

I teach them to write and then I make them write. Keyboarding isn’t everything.

I make them read, read, read.

I make them show all their work in math. They use their God given brain, not the man-made calculator.

I make my students from other countries learn everything they need to know about English while preserving their unique cultural identity.

I make my classroom a place where all my students feel safe.

I make my students stand, placing their hand over their heart to say the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag, one Nation under God, because we live in the United States of America.

Finally, I make them understand that if they use the gifts they were given, work hard, and follow their hearts, they can succeed in life. (Bonnie paused one last time and then continued.)

Then, when people try to judge me by what I make, with me knowing money isn’t everything, I can hold my head up high and pay no attention because they are ignorant. You want to know what I make? I MAKE A DIFFERENCE. What do you make Mr. CEO?

His jaw dropped,  he went silent.

An Interesting Quote

“If what we mean by being ‘American’ is freedom, [is] the right to worship God as we deem correct — yet without coercion or interference by the government”

James Beller,  American in Crimson Red,  (Arnold, Missouri:  Prairie Fire Press, 2004, p. 15).

So many other groups are given liberties and protections because of their beliefs — why aren’t Christians?  Why in public schools in some areas little rainbow stickers put on classroom windows so that they are known as “gay safe zones” where a sodomite can go and the teacher will protect them from persecution.  I wonder — where are the signs for the “Christian safe zones” where Christian pubic schools kids can go and the teacher will protect them from persecution?

All these bills about “Hate Crimes” — so where is the bill protecting the Christian from the Hate Crimes that are committed against Christians?  I should have the right to believe my King James Bible as it is written without fear of being persecuted for my beliefs.

While I believe with every part of my being that what the people of Sodom were partaking in was SIN, that doesn’t mean that I hate the person — I just hate the sin that is being committed no matter what that sin is.  I hate the sin in my own life, and I don’t accept my own sin as “okay”, why should I be forced to accept someone else’s sin as being “okay” and I’m committing a hate crime?

It is shameful where our nation has gone!

Peace

Monday, August 10, 2009

Well, today, has been a hectic day.  There has been too much bad news today so I am kind of reeling still.  I definitely am not ready to deal with all of it.  Regardless, though, I know NONE of what happened today surprised God.  I know He is still in control, and I am still trusting Him.

The day started with finding out that my Uncle Will passed away.  Now, I realize he was elderly; however, in my mind, he was still young.  The last time I saw my Uncle Will in person, I was 16 years old!  That’s when I went to The Netherlands with my Mom.

My Uncle Will was very special, not that my other uncles aren’t, but Uncle Will was a writer — a journalist, a photographer, and a published author!  The last book he wrote was published last year at Thanksgiving time.  The title was:  Ossenisse. Bij de konijnen af.  My Uncle Will used a pen name:  J.W. Hofwijk

Unfortunately, I can’t read Dutch!

Time to Coast

Monday, July 27, 2009

Well on Friday, I went down to the West Michigan Cancer Center and saw John.  John is Dr. D’s physician assistant.  The first thing he asked me was if I missed the place — it had been 1 month since I finished radiation.  I had to HONESTLY tell him, “No!”.

While there had been some snafus in my treatment there with appointments getting changed and such without me knowing about it, I have to say that all-in-all, the radiation technicians were all very nice to me and very professional.  There was one lady who was a little too much in a hurry all the time.  In fact, the day the radiation machine attacked me, she was one of my technicians that day!  I have to say, though, Dr. B and his staff really spoiled me!  Why?  Because they always seemed like they had ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD for me!  That’s very comforting when facing cancer to know that the medical team you are working with are really concerned about you and not just getting you through the process.

Anyway, it was nice to get a second report of  “everything looks great, see you in 3 months.”

I have to say this has been a whirlwind 9 months and then all of a sudden, everything stops.  It all started on October 21 when I found out I had cancer – the next day I saw the surgeon, a week later, the surgeon was cutting me open.  Then I was meeting the team at WMCC.  Then I met Dr. B.  He scheduled some tests for me to have done.  Then I had my port put in.  Then I started chemo.  I had a treatment and a doctor’s appointment every three weeks.  Finished chemo and had a little break.  Then went into 6 ½ weeks of radiation.  Radiation was every day with a doctor visit once a week…. now, I have three months of open time!  WOW!

So now that I’m not the doctors’ focal point – what do I do?  Well, from talking to people on the web and those who have gone through it, you try to live your life as much as is humanly possible or as normally as possible.

Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?  Matthew 6:29-31

Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?  Matthew 6:30-32

If then God so clothe the grass, which is to day in the field, and to morrow is cast into the oven; how much more will he clothe you, O ye of little faith?
Luke 12:27-29

There is very little I can do really.  Yes, there are some things I can do to keep me healthy – eat right, exercise, get enough rest, drink plenty of water but the rest really I have no control over.  The best thing to do is Proverbs 3:5:  Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

Proverbs 29:25: The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be safe.

No matter how hard I try I really have no control of whether or not my cancer comes back or reappears.  Presently, I am reading a book, After Breast Cancer:  Answers to the Questions You’re Afraid to Ask.  One of the things that really struck me was the following paragraph:

“Over time, our sense of what we have lost is very likely to become tempered – and even outweighed – by evidence of personal growth, as hard-won struggles lead to a new awareness of resilience and strength, a new sense of freedom, and new perspectives, as priorities are clarified and trivial involvements fall away. . . .   The losses we feel are real, nonetheless, and must be acknowledged and given the honor of our compassionate attention, if we are to work through our feelings of grief and anger to achieve some sense of acceptance and move toward emotional recovery.  This is the important work of breast cancer support groups all around the country.  Ignoring this natural grieving process in an effort to move on prematurely, through suppressing emotion and forcing an optimism one does not yet feel, is likely to have emotional costs later on”

Well, when I first read this, the FIRST thought to mind was “why?”

First of all – what have I lost?  a chunk of tissue that was trying to kill me – big deal!  I can do without that kind of tissue in my body.  I personally shy away from things that try to kill me – that’s why I have never bungee jumped or parachuted out of a plane.  I ask people who tell me they are going parachuting, “Why would you want to jump out of a perfectly good plane?”  Now, if the plane was plummeting to the ground, I’d grab a pack and jump out with the rest; however, if there’s nothing wrong with the plane, I’m sticking with it until it lands!  The same is true (at least for me) of breast cancer.  This was a glob of tissue gone bad… it was time for it to go just like that dish way back in the fridge that has a left over tomato in it from burgers on the grill 2 weeks ago – that partial tomato is fuzzy by now, not cute fuzzy like a peach, but green fuzzy all over it; and, if it’s too fuzzy, the container may go right along with it!

Am I less of a woman?  NO!  Ironically, the loosing of my hair was more traumatic to me than actually loosing 20 percent of my right breast.  Even now – 9 months after my surgery  [My initial surgery to remove the tumor was done on October 27, 2009] – I have a hole that is as wide as a dime and at least 1 finger digit deep at the end of my incision site.  Does it bother me – only when I let it.  You see, it is my choice what I dwell on:

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.  Philippians 4:7-9

Even dealing with cancer, I have a choice of what I choose to dwell on – sure, I could sit on my pity pot all day but what is that going to do for me?  It CERTAINLY isn’t going to glorify God in any manner so why would I want to do that?  If we want to put it in today’s vernacular, is your glass half full or half empty?  Growing up, my Dad used to always tell me to look for the silver lining; and I used to think to myself, “there isn’t one!”  Of course, when you are a teenager, everything seems to be a major crisis and everything seems like “dooms day”; but again, we all do have a choice – we can either wallow in our misery or we can look at this as a bump in the road and count all the blessings that we DO have.  You see, even though God allowed me to have breast cancer, He also provided a way out – He provided me with people who knew how to properly read a mammogram and detect it.  He provided me with a skilled surgeon to remove it.  He provided me with Dr. B. and his staff to treat it via chemotherapy.  He provided me Dr. D. and his staff at WMCC to treat it via radiation, and He has provided me Dr. N. to do reconstruction… so He has provided me a way out!  Along with the way out, He has provided me with so many blessings along this journey that I would be a fool to not acknowledge them.

If we look at Ruth – here is a Biblical example of this.  Ruth 1:20-21 “And she said unto them, Call me not Naomi, call me Mara: for the Almighty hath dealt very bitterly with me.  I went out full and the LORD hath brought me home again empty: why then call ye me Naomi, seeing the LORD hath testified against me, and the Almighty hath afflicted me?

Well, is Naomi really looking through half full or half empty glasses?  The Book of Ruth starts out saying, “Now it came to pass in the days when the judges ruled, that there was a famine in the land.”  So based on this, how can Naomi say she went out full – there was a famine!  They left because they were looking for food and work – kinda sounds like Michigan right now, huh?    When they got there, Naomi’s sons married.  Shortly after, Naomi loses her husband and 2 sons, but she still has 2 faithful daughter-in-laws but she came home empty?  The one daughter-in-law Naomi shoos away; however, and in verse 16 Ruth makes a profound statement:  “And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God:”  Boy, Naomi should be looking at what a blessing she has – Ruth is willing to leave her family, friends, and life to come to a strange village as a widowed woman to help care for her mother-in-law!  Personally, I’d say Naomi should have come back saying, “Hey look at the blessing the Lord has given me – this is my daughter-in-law, Ruth!”

When I look at my cancer, I can’t look at what I’ve lost because really what have a lost?  A couple pounds of flesh!  What have I gained?  FAITH!  I’d gladly give a couple pounds of flesh to have my faith increased the way God has increased it.  It’s like the song writer says, “Oh for grace to trust Him more” – well, guess who gives you the grace to trust Him more?  Yeppers!  God does so really God does most of the work.  All we have to do is respond Biblically, and He will lead us through the rest if we trust Him.

In MY opinion, all this grieving stuff isn’t Biblical.  When I went into Dr. Van’s office with Michael, I was ready for a complete mastectomy, not just a lumpectomy.  I may not understand yet {and I may never understand this side of Heaven} God’s purpose for me on this journey, but I do know that I walk by Faith, not by sight.  That’s no longer a cliche for me – you see because I still have no idea what the “end” of this journey is whether I will remain cancer free or if cancer will be what takes me home to Heaven, but either way I do know this – God makes NO mistakes; and ironically, our pastor who claims to be such a whimp when it comes to trials, ailments, and so forth, set the perfect example for me to follow as he went through prostate cancer.  My desire has always been to glorify God through this and to be a testimony for Him through my breast cancer journey.

Follow-ups

June 30, 2009

I went back to West Michigan Cancer Center for a skin check.  One of the nurses took a culture because she was concerned it was infected.  I received the maximum dose of radiation; and as a result, I got pretty badly burned.  I’ve had sunburns before, but I have never been burned this badly before let alone being burned in this particular location!  Wow!  What a new experience.

After she took the culture, she irrigated it with saline and then put on a good thick coating of Silvadene cream.  It was actually funny because she had this enormous 1-sided Q-Tip to put the cream on, and it reminded me of frosting a cake!  When you frost a cake, you don’t frost sparingly, you make sure the top of the cake is covered evenly.  Well, she made sure that there was a good inch of cream all over the blistered area.  Then she took some gauze that was pre- treated or soaked in petroleum jelly and put that over.

The purpose of this was to keep the skin moist and to keep the Silvadene on my skin rather than it absorbing into the telfa pads or lap pads that were then added on top to cover it all up.  Thankfully, before I started radiation, I had bought a couple of tank tops that had the built-in bra shelves because with these burns wearing a bra was no longer possible.

A lady on the Triple Negative Breast Cancer forum that I’m apart of had previously told me that it took about 10 days for her blisters all to heal so this was what I was looking forward to.

It is ironic, though, how God puts people into our lives.  Before I went back to see the nurse, I ran into an old friend who I hadn’t seen since 1995.  Of course, I knew if I was seeing him at the West Michigan Cancer Center, things were going quite the way he wanted life to go, too.  We talked for a little while and caught up on old stuff and then, of course, the topic changed to why we were both there.

Thankfully in Bill’s case, his cancer isn’t life threating — it is one of those really slow growing types of cancer.  I am glad for him.  I was grateful, though, that I got an opportunity to share my faith and what God has done in my life through this journey!

July 11, 2009

Today we got to celebrate my Mom’s 84th birthday!  What a blessing to still have her here!  We all went to my sister’s house and had a wonderful time.  I made baked beans and my “orange stuff”.   Michael made the coney dog sauce.  It was so nice to be able to get together as a family and celebrate.  Our friend, William, was able to come down and be with us.

Corrie, Cary and the kids swam in the pool and had a great time.  Michael and William went in also for awhile; unfortunately, with my open blisters, swimming wasn’t an option yet for me, but I got to sit and talk with my Mom and my sister so it was all good!

On the way home,  I told Michael and William they both had to stay awake and help keep me awake!  It was a long day, but it sure was a good day!

July 13, 2009

Today, I saw a plastic surgeon.  I talked with him about when I could get reconstruction/reduction done.  Originally, one of the doctors at the West Michigan Cancer Center had told me I should wait a year.  My RN Case Manager told me to get a second opinion because she had never heard of anyone waiting that long so I went.  His opinion was that I wait at least 6 months so I have another appointment with him in November.

July 16, 2009

Today,  I went back to see Dr. B.  First I had blood work done and my port flushed then I saw Dr. B.  He was very happy with how things looked.  He gave me a physical, checked my blood work results and explained to me the “new” or “aftercare” procedure.

For the next 2 years, I have to see Dr. B. every 3 months.  Then we will move out to every 6 months.  Then we will move to 1-year appointments; and if I stay cancer free for 10 years, I don’t have to see him anymore!  I figure Dr. B. will be probably retired in 10 years, though!

Attack of the Radiation Machine!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Well, today’s radiation treatment certainly was interesting!  I got to my radiation appointment with actually a few extra minutes.  Traffic was good today so I was able to get to radiation a few minutes early (and without speeding!)

I have found the weeks that I have been driving from KVCC to WMCC, there has been at least one officer on Stadium Drive with the speed radar gun on so I try to keep it within the speed limit because I definitely don’t want to get pulled over and be late, and I certainly don’t want a speeding ticket.

Anyway, I got into those fashion statement hospital gowns and sat down to await my turn under the radiation machine.  The waiting room was full!  So we all knew they were running behind.  Now, the nice thing is that all the ladies at the time I go for radiation are very nice, talkative ladies which really helps the waiting time go fast.

The waiting room, has 2 dressing rooms with 5 lockers in each dressing room and a pull curtain as the “front door”.  In the waiting room, there are anywhere from 4 to 6 chairs for people to sit in.  Today, there were 4 chairs, and 2 people standing.  Of course, one of the topics we talked about is how close everyone was to finishing their radiation.  The one lady who says I always have a smile on my face when I come in has 2 more treatments to go.  She also is engaged so we have chatted about her fiancé and soon to be step kids.  I was actually surprised – she told me that she met her fiancé on eharmony.com!  She’s the first I’ve actually known that has met their future spouse through any type of dating service.  After today’s I have 8 more to go!  We also talked about our kids, grandkids, and stuff like that.  Finally, they called my name, and I went back into the room for my radiation.

Once a week, they take pictures before radiation for the doctor to see.  Well, today was picture day!  So first they take the pictures.  Of course, they have to align the “dots” first.  When I went for my radiation simulation before I started radiation, they tattooed 3 dots on me.  Using a sheet and those 3 dots, they align me for radiation.  I tease them every time, too.  With all our modern technology, the sophisticated way they align the patient to the machine is by pulling on the sheet underneath me to move me, pushing me, or rolling me so that the “dots” align properly!

So the technicians step out of the room and picture taking begins.  Well, when the pictures were done, the machine comes back around to the left to start radiation.  Well, while they were taking my pictures, I could feel the table I was on move up.  As the machine came back around to the left, I realized that it was getting closer to my arm than normal.  There are 2 pegs above my head that I grab hold of with my hands so my arms are raised above my head.  Well, as the radiation machine’s head was coming back to the left, I noticed that it was coming too close to my arm so I quick pulled my elbow up.  Now, you are not supposed to move after they align you, but if I hadn’t moved my arm, it would have been caught between the radiation machine and the table.  So, I yelled to the technicians, “The machine is hitting the table!”

The technicians came in, and the radiation machine was caught on the table.  It took them a few minutes to get the machine and the table to separate from one another.  In the meantime, here I am raised up on this table listening to all these metal noises.  Finally, the table was dislodged from the machine; however, when they tried to reset it to do my radiation treatment, it was not functioning.  Thankfully, there are two machines that I can use for my treatments so they took me down to the far room.  Unfortunately, there was a gentleman getting his treatment so it was back to the waiting room until he finished.

Back in the waiting room, the three ladies who were still waiting asked me what happened so I explained it to them.  Unfortunately, this probably means that today they will have a machine still down unless the technician has been able to fix it before I get there at 3:45.  So by the time I finished my radiation treatment and got dressed, it was almost 5 p.m.!

My arm is a little sore, but thankfully, no skin or bones were broken.  I am grateful that I reacted so quickly even though I wasn’t supposed to move.  Ironically, the week before, I let go of one of the hand grips and reached over to itch my nose after they had aligned me, and one of the technicians chastised me for moving.  Today, she didn’t yell at me for moving!  When we moved into the other radiation room, she said to me, “My, you are getting pretty red, aren’t you?”  Well, the lighting is better in that radiation room than it is in the room I usually go into so, yes, she was able to really see how red the treatment area is getting.  She asked me if I was putting stuff on it, and I told her all the creams Dr. D. and his nurse had given me.  I am looking toward the mark, though – June 26, when I will be all done with this, and my body can start healing!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Well after today, I will have 7 more treatments.  The nice thing about that is I will have one more “full treatment” and then the remaining 6 will be on the tumor site or the incision site.  Those are called boost treatments.  Unfortunately, where my tumor was will mean that they will continue to burn my arm pit!  Now, the one plus thing about having your arm pit burned for 6 ½ weeks, 33 treatments, is that I will probably never have to shave my right arm pit again.  A heck of a way to get out of shaving, but I guess after going through all I’ve gone through, there should be a perk in it for me, right?

I have been finding that I am getting more tired, though.  Last week and this week, I have been noticing it.  Saturday and Sunday, I took a 3 ½ hour nap each day and still slept fine throughout the night.  Now, last night I had trouble staying asleep again, but Dr. D. did give me Ambien so if I am having trouble sleeping, I can take one of those.  Unfortunately, when I do have trouble sleeping, my problem is staying asleep, not falling asleep.

I was reading this morning another lady’s blog who is also fighting cancer.  My heart was blessed by a Scripture reference she made – Psalm 30:5

For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Really, the part that blessed me was the second part of this verse – weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.  Heartaches are a part of life, but the reality of it is as long as I am living my life for Christ, and I am trying to be a wiling vessel for God to use, NO ONE and NOTHING can steal my joy!  James 1:2 tells us “My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations”.  No matter what our circumstances are, we all struggle in life.  We all have “trials” or “tests” or “journeys” – I don’t know what you are going through, but I know from my experience walking through this journey of cancer, that God has rewarded me for my attitude.  I am certain of this.  I look around me and see other ladies with the exact same type of cancer I have who are dealing with depression and are now on medication for it.  Other ladies have had much worse side effects than I have.  Some ladies have experienced incredible pain while taking one of the chemo drugs I was on.  Now, I can’t say that they are faithless or not.  I can’t say if they are saved or not or why God has allowed what He has in their lives, and I’m not even trying to imply that I am more spiritual than any of these other ladies, but I do believe in my heart that God does reward us when we react properly to situations just like we praise our kids when they do right even when they are pressured to do wrong.

While I can’t say that every day of this journey has been “pleasant”, I can say that God has blessed me throughout this journey, and I am so grateful for His loving hand, His guidance, His Grace, and His Mercy!

At church Sunday, one of the ladies sang the song “His Eye is on the Sparrow”.  She sang this song, actually for me, she said.  She is a special lady, and she knows how much that song means to me.  The words just always touch me:

“Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I’m happy, I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Think about it – when you get on a train or a bus, for example, do you worry about whether the conductor or the bus driver knows where they are going?  No.  That’s the cool thing about God – He knows the past, the present and the future all at one time!  God has NEVER once sat up in Heaven and said, “Darn, I didn’t think that one through!”  I don’t have to worry about the journey He is taking me on.  If I need to worry about anything it is about responding properly to God’s plan for my life.  Again, if I am trusting in Him, what do I have to worry about?  The Bible tells us that he clothes the lilies of the field and provides food for the birds – they never have to worry, and they never go hungry.  He takes care of all of his creatures – yep, even us IF we allow Him to.  If we choose to trust His guidance and direction for our lives.  I can’t see yet the reason for me having cancer, but some day, I hope, He will reveal to me the reason for this journey.  In the mean time, I’m going to do as the refrain says:

I sing because I’m happy, I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.